looking out 8.31.09

i live in this world wearing rose-colored glasses

where all my neighbors grasses

are greener than mine

because i fail to take the time

to understand whats mine

and whats not

thinking that my grass wont die when its hot

even though im not giving it all i got

and its beginning to rot

yet i still expect someone else

to step in and help

by reviving the ares that have begun to melt

away 

in the sun of this noonday

hoping they will usher in a new day

where the grass is as green as can be

and contentment is all i see

in my own backyard consisting only of me...

and i will be happy.

unfinished 8.27.09

wisdom: the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight

                 the ability to use one's experience and knowledge to make sensible decisions or judgments

"...for WISDOM is more precious than rubies, 

and NOTHING you desire can compare with her"  pr. 8:11

"when words are many, sin is not absent, 

but he who holds his tongue is WISE."   pr. 10:19

"...but with humility comes WISDOM"  pr. 11:2

how do we search for the wisdom of God

when through things of this world so much wisdom is lost

dissensions breed infections

of self-seeking connections

where humanity has sought individual perceptions

seeing life for what it is

and that most of the time death is what lives

through unspoken words that shout motives

of a people that exist as captives

bound by the chains of foolishness

where wisdom exists only as an actress

that is playing a role that is boundless

and yet her shouts go soundless

eddie 8.26.09

somewhere beyond distorted reality

sits a deranged vision of what she sees

with arrangements that keep her on the pavement

where etched out addresses will become the engraving

on her grave

her face down will limit her days

for she cant see her worth and how she is worth being saved

at some point her vision was blurred  

she FED into the identity of this world

and she stopped caring for who she was

STUFFING her soul instead with empty love

that never quite fit as well as the glove

of self loathing that she covered herself with

as confidence portrayed a superficial image

reality was that she couldnt live with this

for this will KILL her, the misuse of her hand

limits her inability to understand

her value wont be confirmed through any man

so she needs to take a stand

against this curse that engulfs her body

things done in darkness are labeled as naughty

though some see it as haughty

and there is power there 

control in her eyes with a deepened stare

into the mirror reflecting no care

for herself

this is enough

time to THROW UP her insecurities though it is tough

and her exterior is calloused and rough

into that of one who is far greater

to not be her own narrator 

anymore...

it is him that will rescue her heart from the sore

and her body that is torn.

quit

trying to hope with vision displaced

trying to trust when i cant see the way

trying to breathe when all i feel is pain

trying to live when love doesnt remain

trying to grasp how feelings subside

trying to seek instead of hide

trying to speak truth over the lies

trying to live when all i want is to die

knowing that my life is not my own

knowing ill reap that which i sow

knowing tomorrow wont be so low

knowing i dont always have to know

which way life will go

even though it moves slow

beast (2009)

www.invisiblechildren.com

www.krochetkids.org

fear is an understatement

when daily eyes are faced with

innocence lost with arraignment

as blood seeps down the pavement

chaos never subsides

in damp tunnels they try to hide

from the one filled with so much pride

to take children by his side

conditioning the minds of peace

to see hate and never cease

to die if seen as weak

by the one labeled as the BEAST

thousands taken to no return

bloodshot eyes and bodies burned

whispers crying to be heard

for more to be concerned

that innocent lives have been upturned

orphan (2005)

once so precious a life

so easily stripped 

of all it was but not of its worth

now only the fragmented minds

hold this life in this time 

and as the soul flies above the ending surface of space

it may leave but never does it die

it is captured in the moment it created

a still eternity far from belated

because this soul left too soon

as most often do

but just like memories, it cannot be erased

she was but a little girl

of twelve years old

her innocent face hiding behind innocent curls

and in an instant she lost all hope in this world

when she received the shocking news

when it hit her dead on and there was nothing she could do

but cry

and run

and fight

and die

because she lost the only thing life had to give

it was taken away

this life she needed to live

it was her breath and now it is death

she still remembers her mothers smile

in the beautiful picture frame of her mind

it has been there all the while and now so many years later 

scars remain on her heart but now they are fainter

then they were on that day

when she was twelve

and she thought the whole world had gone to hell

because she had lost the only smile she cared to see

it was gone forever to remain a memory

once so precious a life

so easily stripped

of all it was but not of its worth

now only the fragmented minds

held this life in this time

and as the soul flies above the ending surface of space

it may leave but never does it die

it is captured in the moment it created

a still eternity far from belated

because this soul left too soon

as most often do

but just like the memories it will not be erased 

impure (2004)

she waited twenty-one years

and in one moment all of her fears were released and poured out

onto her fragile body

an infestation of her mind

her heart

her soul

and what was it all for

one destructive rebellion

that let the gates of hell in

and now she cries in the corner feeling guilty 

and thinks she was selling

herself to a somewhat worthy cause

there was no probable cause

it was just her obedience lost

and all along i think she knew it

this was forever

no taking it back

she knows she blew it

and what she waited all those years for was just a memory now

and she keeps replaying it in her mind not understanding how

she let it happen

what was given to her is now a slap in the face

it cannot be erased

and forever shell see it when he looks upon her face

that the choices she made became a disgrace

because she sees in his eyes 

a sense of despise

she is tainted and painted black

and they both know there is no turning back

if she would have just waited patiently

she would still be on the right track

and she could have seen

what could have been

but now...

she is a walking infected creation

that has given death to those she let pass in

and has disappointed herself

and is destroying her health

and she cant deny the fact that there is no use in acting

like it never happened

because it did

and she will realize it when she has trouble having a kid

that the foulness of her decision

has given her the inability to live

8.23.2003

today i came across a little girl

four years bold

and what she said made me realize...im old

she wanted to fly above the sky

where yellow, blue, and red collide

as she descrined to me

her fantasies

i looked in her eyes and all i could see

was me

once so bright a little child

has grown up not so wild

leaving behind dreams torn apart at the seams

im an adult

with life stuck at a halt

where did she go and why cant i find

the blurred line

of innocence now lost

and was it worth the cost

when i look outside i try to see

the colors colliding above me

and if i close my eyes tight enough to see the colors swirl

its easier to find that little girl

9.28.2002

who dares to dream when dreams are crushed

to live a life without love

to sail the ocean and always drown

and fall into the empty sound

of loneliness and something lost

as if it weren't because of his cost

the price he paid for us to live

and here we sit alone and grieve

forgetting that weve found in him

our emptiness with song again

he'll hold our despair and instead he'll meet

our hearts desires when laid at his feet

bigots (1999)

as i lay my head back and visualize

i realize

what i despise

the world surrounding us today

what you do & what you say

what you can & what you cant

how they look at how you act

people judge by how you look

as a book, like youre a crook

judging on the outside makes me ashamed

makes me run and hide...inside

how we speak our mind

as we try to find

that seperating line

between tall & skinny

short & fat

being ugly or being all that

between right & wrong

yeah you know the song

how its been all along

its not about me its not about you

its always been about who's who

as we share what we have to say

people dont listen they turn away

to our dismay

running the other way

so we shut up

decide not to speak

we are now weak

we let them get to us

let them cause us pain

make us feel ashamed 

they left a bloodstain

they made us feel little but we know we are strong

have been all along

though they made us feel wrong

we know we are right

so we'll stand up and fight

against prejudice, injustice, & all that is wrong 

we'll write a new song

tomorrow is a new day

so hear me say

that we'll compose

of those

with peace & love in sight

and all will be right

but until then...

goodnight

in my heart (2009)

lost in a world of confusion

emotions increasing dillusions

thoughts that im not choosing

are sprawling out of my mind

and i cant seem to find

a moment in time

to get grounded

heart, body, & soul compounded

into one feeling thats founded

and based

on a moment displaced

that had a momentary space

IN MY HEART

but it has fallen apart

ending before it could start

and now im lost because im loosing

silence caused this bruising

nothing is now soothing

away the pain

of loves disdain

8.10.09

cry myself to sleep

begging God to speak

in the moments that im weak

so that my words dont leak

the pain that i drown in

with ignorance sounding

a battle cry SHOUT

asking God what it is about

and why i must pout

or where my answers lie

if not in Him with whom id die without

really....whats this about?

dome (2009)

sitting on a stone in the middle of eternity

set since the beginning of time

insignificance and loneliness

float above her mind

as she cries out for love

huge world

little girl

wondering how it can be 

that so many fail to see

the ONE who created all this beauty

and why with that love satisfaction cant be met

why is there so much left

and so many things that are never enough

a world that goes beyond transcending

taking hopes that are now ending

into a vastness that can never be filled

with anything here no matter how real

it all may feel

its imagination

blurred lines between fact and fiction

hallowed out vision

of that which was never meant to exist

because eternity was made for far more than this

bondage (2009)

A popcorn prison

Watermelon walls and candy concrete
cold underneath frail feet

Peanut butter bars that cant be bent

Weak will

Stuck in a popcorn prison

Guards of golden grahams
ensure gorging

A cotton candy cot
breaks the brittle back

Pizza introduces the porcelain princess
In this popcorn prison

stages (2009)

will there ever come a time
when the melodies that dance around my mind
will escape to find
their stage?

the one place
where not even hurt will find a trace
of a lack of grace?

where freedom rages
through mirrored rooms and cages
as it forcefully wages war
ripping through the pages
of thoughts looking for their stages.

the melodies find their feet
mind and body meet
soul and spirit sweep up the pain,
and its contained.

all heart has release
to dance
a romance
in which passions pant for peace

there has come a time
when the melodies that once danced around my mind
have broken out to find
their stage.

life quote

"if i find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy

the only logical explanation is that i was made for another world"

                                                                                            -c.s.lewis