this is my forever

this is my forever
a minute this hour that screams at me and never
ever
ever does it pass
the same moment hour after hour
making this feeling last
and it doesnt go away
same feelings everyday
and theres nothing i can do
or say
it just desires to stay
and now my desires have gone astray
and with them my future and hopes to replay
that moment over
the one that killed my future is sober
ing
and killing me
blinding the world to see
who i am without the label
it was what i did
silly kid
unfortunately no fable
but today i am more stable
although this is still my future
and the dreams of my past
that should have taken place by now
are but a moment that lasts
in my world
the things we do as girls
to gain the validation that we lacked
the days our hair was in curls
and bows
and we were all little miss twinkle toes
without a care in the air and dolls and ribbons everywhere
never did i see
this future laid out for me
but this
this is my forever
a woman now but never
would anyone have seen
the way this broken home has become a reality
and the window pains
are covered with blood stains
with sweat
and tears
and the closets are hung with jackets and fears
unsure of tomorrow and who will be there
the hallways are empty
the kitchen is bare
but this
this is my forever
and where a home once sat
a heart it lacks
for the only completion
was lying incomplete on her back
and now this
this is my forever.